Since Thanksgiving I’ve seen a lot of Thankful Journals out there. What an idea! I’ve been struggling with meaning for a while, and I know deep down my life isn’t too bad. Maybe I should try this exercise. Here goes nothing…
I am thankful that ISIS doesn’t live in my town. See, this is going to be easy.
I am thankful that I do not work at Walmart. Or protest outside. It’s fucking cold out there.
I am thankful that where I live it’s not frigid all the time. Just for 4 months. Still I am thankful I may be moving in six months.
I am thankful that whiskey exists. And rum. And beer. And wine. And vodka. And tequila. Well, maybe not tequila. Okay, fine. Then I am thankful for only blacking out some of the time.
I am thankful that my life isn’t so bad that I need to compare the President to notorious historical dictators. On facebook.
I am thankful that I have a job. Even though crazy Obama tried to take it from me. That trickster.
I am thankful that, unlike multiple people that have responded, I did not spend time figuring out that Taylor Swift has cats, not dogs.
I am thankful for chairs. Standing is just so dang tiring.
I am thankful for Twitter. Even though I’m pretty sure it’s slowing down my morning commute.
I am thankful for Green Arrows at Traffic Lights. This may be number one.
I am thankful for Chocolate Chip Pancakes being an acceptable breakfast food. Also Bacon.
I am thankful that I can digest dairy. And gluten. Like everyone that doesn’t have Celiac Disease.
I am thankful that I am not a moron and that I trust science.
I am thankful for times when someone doesn’t overfill the cup to the brim, so that when I insert the straw it doesn’t result in me being covered in soda.
I am an thankful for not being too fat after eating enough fast food to experience the feeling above.
I am thankful for the toilet paper tower we keep in bathroom that reaffirms we will never be stranded again.
I am thankful people who pay in cash in the grocery line. Or know how to use a key pad. Or who don’t start long conversations with cashiers. Or who can’t talk with tape over their mouths. Or who don’t mind trunks. Or who are dead.
I am thankful for Netflix. Except for the little thing that asks you to share what you’ve watched on Facebook that I’ve almost clicked 100 times. Until that time I slip up, I’ll be thankful to have friends as well.
I am thankful for tacos. What? Don’t act like you’re not.
I am thankful for butts. If you can’t appreciate a good butt, well then I can’t appreciate you.
I am thankful that I don’t have children. No offense to those who have children, but they smell, they’re loud, they destroy everything, take up all of your time and money, make you uglier day after day, and don’t look as cute as you think they are. But again, no offense.
I am thankful for chicken fingers and I will be until they kill me.
I am thankful for the alarm on the phone. The memory of manually setting an alarm clock still haunts me.
I am thankful for smart phones in general. The memory of trying to force conversation with strangers in public haunts me even more. Now I can just look up baseball news. Or email mean observations to friends about the strangers I’m not forced to talk to anymore.
I am thankful for blogging because deep down I do want to talk to strangers, I just don’t want them to be able to talk back.
I am thankful for how easy it is to find and listen to new music. Even if most of society is sticking with the same recycled pop and hip hop stars and songs made popular by singing contests and kids movies. The real music is out there and it doesn’t have to involve going to some sketchy shop and talking with The Velvet Underground’s one true fan anymore.
I am thankful that people do not wear their pants so high anymore. Have you seen old movies? Ridiculous.
I am thankful for drugs. I would not care to elaborate.
I am thankful for ice machines. I don’t have one yet, but I am quite fond of them.
I am thankful I can stop writing this at any time (like now) before it gets too long. I’m already getting a little bored and you probably are too. But I know there’s a million things I should be thankful for. And I am. Honestly. I just had a great week of Christmas and I’m thankful to have friends and family to have made it so tolerable. Finally, I’m thankful for those of you that keep reading. Truly, I appreciate it.
Oh yeah, I’m also thankful for hash browns.